


The Younger Star

by Elizabeth_Dicewielder



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Brothers, Gryffindor, Hogwarts, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Siblings, Slytherin, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2019-12-26 02:35:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18274052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elizabeth_Dicewielder/pseuds/Elizabeth_Dicewielder
Summary: The Tale of the Two Brothers. Sirius and Regulus, of course.Starting at Regulus' first year at Hogwarts. Featuring Wolfstar and Jily.





	1. Alpha Leonis

The frayed hat on the stool finished its last rhyme. The song ended. Everyone in the room started clapping. 

He clapped politely along with them, but he didn’t quite know what to think. His mother would never have allowed any item of clothing in such poor condition in her home, much less allow anyone in the house to wear it. Clearly Hogwarts had different values. He wasn’t exactly upset at the thought.

When the hall was silent once more, Professor McGonagall pulled out a lengthy list. “When I call your name, please step forward, sit on the stool, and put the hat on.” She cleared her throat. “Adams, Liam.”

The short, blonde boy stepped out of line from behind and walked up the hall. He sat and put the hat on, wrapping his fingers tightly around the edges of the stool. He closed his eyes.

The hall waited in silence before the Sorting Hat shouted, “RAVENCLAW!”

The Ravenclaw table cheered and the other houses clapped along with them. The boy, Liam, rushed to join his housemates.

“Andrews, Mia” was sorted into Hufflepuff along with “Archer, Kyle,” and a Gryffindor whose name he didn’t catch was close behind. “Avery” was the first Slytherin to be sorted, but he couldn’t for the life of him make out what his first name was.

“Bennett, Hailey,” the professor called. She was sorted into Ravenclaw.

They were on the B’s now. It wouldn’t be long before his name was called. The nerves were starting to kick in.

He glanced around the Great Hall, searching the faces. There, at the Slytherin table, his cousins sat; all of them in a row, watching the ceremony intently. They didn’t seem excited like the rest of the room. Just watchful. Cold, calculating, already planning who they would and wouldn’t associate with, no doubt.

Narcissa met his eyes across the room. She nodded slightly, an almost imperceptible gesture. Confirmation that moments from now he would be sitting with them, just as had always been planned.

He tore his gaze away from the Slytherins and looked towards the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, all watching and whispering amongst each other. None of them turned towards him.

He studiously avoided the Gryffindor table, though he could feel someone’s gaze boring into his back.

Desperate to look anywhere other than that table, he craned his neck to the ceiling to look amongst the stars. He searched for his namesake, but it soon became clear that the enchantment did not mirror the real night sky. Even with years of experience studying astronomy, there wasn’t a single constellation he recognized.

“Black,” he heard. His throat tightened. “—Bellatrix.”

He calmed for a moment, letting himself relax, though he knew that he was undoubtedly next.

Bella only bought him a few seconds’ time. The hat had barely touched her head before a booming “SLYTHERIN!” rang out.

The Slytherin table erupted in applause. Narcissa actually stood, smiling a little. Had he not known that Narcissa’s celebration was one of approval and not genuine happiness that her sister would be her housemate, he might have been touched. The other houses clapped too, though clearly less enthused.

When the noise died down, Professor McGonagall’s voice sounded once again. “Black, Regulus.”

Regulus’ heart started pounding wildly in his chest. His hands were shaking, so he flattened them against the sides of his legs and schooled his face into a mask of calm. His cousins were watching. They could not know how much this frightened him.

If he wasn’t a Slytherin, what would his mother do? And if he was, how would his brother feel? Would he be upset that he hadn’t been a Gryffindor like him? Would he be jealous or resentful?

He walked up to the stool. Every step was agonizingly slow. He sat down and squeezed his eyes shut. The old fabric settled onto his head.

"Well, well, another Black," the hat whispered in his head. "But different from the rest. What to do with you, what to do with you?"

Regulus was starting to panic. He had to be a Slytherin. He had seen what his mother had done to Sirius now that he was in Gryffindor. The beatings, the bruises, the cuts. Sirius was stronger than he was. Sirius could take it, but Regulus... Regulus was not like his brother. He did not have that kind of strength.

"There’s intelligence there, and a big heart, too, larger than you want people to see. And that desire to be good enough for... who? Your mother? Yes, that’s it, there’s that familiar ambition I see. Slytherin would do you good, and you would be a great asset."

Yes, Slytherin, thank God. He would be a Slytherin.

"But what’s this? There’s courage in you, I think more than you see. Perhaps you belong with your brother in Gryff—"

Not Gryffindor, Regulus thought. Please not Gryffindor. Sirius’ anger he could stand. It would be awful, but he could deal with it. His mother’s wrath? Never.

"Are you sure? Gryffindor could make you great, you know. Help you fight for—"

Not Gryffindor.

The hat paused, giving no further comment. “SLYTHERIN!”

The applause was even louder for him than it had been for Bella. All of the Slytherins were screaming. The Black legacy had been reinforced, proving the heir to be a mere outlier. A mistake.

But it was not to the Slytherin table that Regulus first looked. For the first time that evening he searched for his brother at the Gryffindor table, quickly looking through the bored-looking students, clapping politely for yet another Slytherin Black.

He was a Slytherin, just like all the others, leaving his brother alone in Gryffindor. What would Sirius think?

There. Near the middle of the table on the left was Sirius and his friends.

And he was standing and cheering louder than anyone else in the room.

Regulus flashed a secret, relieved smile towards his brother before schooling his features and making his way to the Slytherin table. Narcissa scooted to the left, making room for him between her and Bella. Regulus had to wonder if she had shifted that way purely to put space between herself and her younger sister.

He sat down, squeezing in between his cousins. The hard part was over.

Bella grabbed his shoulder. Regulus stiffened. He had always been perturbed by her knack for invading his personal space.

“First day and you’re already better than Sirius,” she giggled. He hated it when she giggled.

“Right,” he said, feigning a weak laugh. Regulus looked back across the hall to find Sirius still smiling at him. His stomach churned. “Already better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm absolutely terrified to post this, but that's okay. Hopefully you enjoyed the first chapter! Comments are always appreciated <3
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at holy-shit-its-wolfstar or on my main blog elizabeth-dicewielder.


	2. Alpha Canis Majoris

“Alright, sit down,” James said. He tugged on Sirius’ shoulder, pulling him back into his seat.

Sirius barely noticed. He was still looking towards Regulus. The two made eye contact and Sirius waved. Reg smiled a little in response before turning back towards the sorting ceremony. Sirius looked back in that direction too, but he wasn’t paying much attention. He still couldn’t keep the huge grin of his face. His little brother was at Hogwarts with him. And thank Merlin he was in Slytherin.

As the sorting ceremony continued, he heard Peter start whispering. Listening a little more closely, it was clear that his friend was counting down the number of students left to be sorted.

“You waiting for something?” Sirius murmured.

Peter just nodded his head. He gave no further explanation.

That was strange. Why was Peter so anxious for the ceremony to be over?

The last girl was sorted into Hufflepuff and met with the loudest cheer yet, likely more due to people being happy the sorting was over than actually caring about the student. And then, just like the year prior, food magically appeared on all the plates.

“Yes!” Peter exclaimed.

Of course Peter had been waiting for the food. Sirius rolled his eyes. Though, now that he was looking at the table, the assortment of food definitely looked appetizing. No strange delicacies that he couldn’t describe nor have any interest in eating, no excessive seasoning that he needed to have a more “refined taste” for. Just normal, hearty, delicious food. 

He loved Hogwarts.

“So Sirius,” James said between mouthfuls of food, “I take it you’re happy Regulus is at Hogwarts this year.”

Sirius smiled. “My dear Jim, that is correct.”

“Even if he’s a Slytherin?” Peter asked. He seemed a little wary.

“Yup,” Sirius said. “I’ll be a little upset that we don’t get to see each other as often, but I’m glad he’s in Slytherin.” His friends knew he didn’t like his parents much, but they didn’t know the full extent of it. They didn’t have a clue how bad it would have been had Reg been a Gryffindor. How bad it had been for Sirius.

Suddenly James dropped his fork and whipped his head towards Sirius, panic in his eyes. “Wait. Does this mean we’ll have to stop pranking the Slytherins?!”

Peter’s eyes bulged. And he spit out the water he had been drinking.

All over the girl seated across from him.

Who just so happened to be Dorcas Meadowes.

Dorcas looked down at her wet shirt, water dripping down her face, horrified. “Ugh. Gross, Pettigrew.”

Marlene, James, and Sirius all busted up laughing while Peter squeaked an apology. Dorcas just glared at the four of them. Especially at Marlene.

Once he had regained his composure, Sirius clapped both Peter and James on the back. “Don’t worry. If anything, Reg being a Slytherin is only more incentive to give them hell. We’ll have plenty of excellent pranks this year. Isn’t that right, Remus?” He leaned in front of Peter to make eye contact.

Remus looked up, clearly not having expected to be dragged into the conversation. He was still wolfing down food with the vigor of a starving man. In all honesty, he did look a little unwell. Sirius had to wonder if he had eaten anything that day.

Remus swallowed what he had been chewing and nodded, his voice somewhat subdued. “Right.”

Then the ghosts came flying in, met with gasps and a few shrieks from the first years. Sir Nicholas, or Nearly Headless Nick (a name James had coined that had caught on rather quickly), floated down the Gryffindor table to greet the students.

“Hello, Sir Nicholas!” Lily called.

“Welcome back, Miss Evans. How was your summer?”

“Oh, it was lovely.”

“Oy, Nearly Headless Nick!” James shouted. “It’s nice to see you again!”

The ghost glared. “Ah, Mr. Potter.” He surveyed James and his friends. “I assume I’ll be seeing you four around the halls after hours again.”

Sirius grinned wildly along with James, giddy at the thought of their first prank of the year. Next to him, Peter was smiling guiltily while Remus was a picture of innocent calm.

“I’m sorry, Sir, I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean,” Remus said. Sirius felt his face about to burst with laughter. After all, it was Remus who was the mastermind behind most of their pranks.

Sir Nicholas rolled his eyes. “Right.”

The hall fell silent and Sirius looked towards the professors to find Dumbledore standing at the podium.

The headmaster cleared his throat. “I just have a few short announcements before we sing the Hogwarts song and head to bed. Firstly, a note for the first years and a reminder for some others—“ he was looking directly at the Gryffindor table, “the forest on the grounds is called the Forbidden Forest for a reason. Filch would also like me to add that curfew should be respected. Quidditch tryouts start soon. Anyone who’s interested should talk with Madam Hooch. And lastly, please respect the other students. A little house rivalry is all fun and games, but it’s important to recognize when something is being taken too far.

“And now, let us sing!”

The school started singing in a jumble of notes and rhythms. Sirius looked at James. They had rehearsed this on the train. It was their time to shine.

They took a deep breath in tandem, preparing for their epic duet to the tune of a song from a muggle musical Remus had introduced them to over the summer. They were just about to start singing. And then they heard Peter.

The two fell silent, shocked. It was hard to tell whether Peter was singing or speaking. He was saying the words fast, in a strange rhythm, and making weird noises in between some of the words. Sirius didn’t have the slightest idea what to call it.

He stared at Peter, slack-jawed.

Remus’ face was red with silent laughter. He gasped for air, but couldn’t stop laughing. Only when Peter finished was he finally able to speak. “That was bloody brilliant.”

“What… what in the name of Merlin was that?” James asked.

“I was rapping,” Peter said. His face was red.

“I’m sorry, what?” Sirius asked. 

“It’s a type of muggle music,” Remus explained, still clutching his abdomen.

They broke off their conversation upon realizing that the students were standing up, ready to go to their common rooms. Sirius stood up quickly. He turned to his friends. “I’m gonna talk to Reg real quick. Wait for me?”

“I suppose we can do that,” James agreed.

“Thanks, mate,” Sirius rushed before running towards the Slytherin table to find his brother. He weaved through the crowd, careful not to get trampled.

“Reg!”

Regulus turned towards him and shoved his way through the remaining space between them. 

“Meet me outside the charms classroom after your last class tomorrow, okay?” 

Reg nodded. “Sure.” He glanced back towards the Slytherins. “I think I have to go.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Sirius said. “I’ll see you tomorrow. And congratulations on being sorted into Slytherin!”

Regulus smiled in response before running to his housemates. Sirius made his way back through the hall. By the time he got back to the Gryffindors, Peter and James had already started walking, so he fell into step with Remus.

“So,” Sirius started, suddenly realizing how little Remus had talked that day. “How was your summer?” He laced his fingers through Remus’. It was a habit they had started near the end of their first year. James and Peter had made fun of them a few times for it, but eventually it became natural.

“It was okay,” Remus said. “A bit tiring.” He looked tired, Sirius couldn’t help but notice. “How was yours?”

Sirius shrugged. “The usual.” It wasn’t a lie.

~~~~~

Sirius tapped his brother on the shoulder from behind, making Regulus jump. Regulus turned around.

“Follow me,” Sirius said.

They climbed up to the seventh floor, chatting along the way. Sirius was especially inquisitive, as he wanted to make sure everything was going okay for Regulus. This was their second home. It needed to be better than their first.

They finally reached their destination, and the doors opened for them, revealing the Room of Requirement. Sirius glanced to his side to see Regulus staring in awe.

“Come on,” Sirius said, practically jumping up and down with excitement. He wanted to show Regulus everything at Hogwarts.

The room was somewhat small. There were couches and a few tables, and a crackling fireplace in the back. Perfect for just sitting and talking.

“Welcome to the Room of Requirement,” Sirius announced, spreading his arms wide. He plopped down on the couch. “I was thinking we could meet here after class on Tuesdays. That way we have some place private to just talk and check in.” He was rather proud of the idea.

“That sounds good,” Reg said, hesitantly sitting on the couch across from him.

“It’s a perfect place, too. Most people don’t even know it exists. And it produces whatever you need when you enter.”

“Anything?” Regulus asked.

“Anything. Peter stumbled across it last year. Brilliant, that one is. James, Peter, Remus, and I come here all the time.”

Regulus nodded, looking around the room. “Were those the friends you were sitting with at dinner?”

“Yeah,” Sirius answered.

“You four must be really close.”

“Oh, yeah. Peter is great. He’s my best friend. James can be an idiot sometimes, but he has great ideas. Given how much we squabble, we’re practically brothers. And Remus is… well…” He paused for a moment, trying to find a way to describe it. “He’s Remus.”

Remus had never really had a category in Sirius’ mind. He wasn’t his best friend or his brother, but that didn’t mean they weren’t close. Sometimes Sirius felt closer to Remus than anyone else. Remus was just an enigma, in so many ways.

Regulus smiled weakly. “I hope I meet some friends like that.”

“You will,” Sirius assured him. “Only a fool wouldn’t want to befriend you.”

Regulus’ smile grew a little bit. “Tuesdays, right?”

“Yup.” Sirius put on his serious face and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Now. Tell me everything about your first day.”

Regulus sighed. “And so the interrogation begins.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know rap didn’t actually become popular until like seven years later, but I just found the idea of Peter rapping the Hogwarts song really funny.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Comments are love ❤️


	3. Another Year, Another Black

The whole common room raised their glasses. “To Regulus!”

Regulus smiled wide as the Slytherins drank to him. 

The party had been Narcissa’s idea. Apparently it was something the Slytherins did every time a Black was sorted (into their house only, but until the previous year that hadn’t needed to be specified). “Besides,” she had said, “everyone wants a little fun after the first full day of classes. And this year we have two Blacks, which means two parties and twice the alcohol.” 

There was, indeed, plenty of alcohol. If he was being honest with himself, it made Regulus uncomfortable. He had made a promise to himself when he was eight years old that he would never drink. Ever. After one bad incident with his dearest mother… he had no interest in alcohol and he definitely didn’t feel safe when half the people around him were drunk. He wasn’t even sure where the alcohol, or the cups for that matter, had come from, but he didn’t doubt that there were plenty of ways to access such necessities. Still, he tried to be grateful. They were throwing a party for him, after all.

The party was not all that much different from the ones his family hosted. There was just as much alcohol involved, yet people still remained polite, or at least somewhat calm. There was a lot less formal dancing, thankfully, and a lot more people making out in the background, not-so-thankfully, but of course none of his cousins or relatives partook in such ludicrous behavior. A Black kept their head in every situation.

Regulus folded his hands in his lap to keep from twiddling his thumbs. He tried to keep a polite smile on his face, but he knew he was a picture of discomfort. His shoulders were stiff, his hands clasped too tightly, the smile not quite reaching his eyes. He didn’t care enough to make himself seem relaxed. He wasn’t under the critical eye of his mother. He didn’t have to care.

Bella plopped herself down beside him, tossing an arm over Regulus’ shoulders. The whole couch shifted under her weight—it was a rather comfy couch, with soft green fabric and generous cushions. Furniture built to be both visually appealing and comfortable. So different from home, where only the former was important. He tried to shift to the side away from his cousin, but he soon found that Malfoy was sitting on his other side and the couch shifted a little more. Narcissa sat on the couch across from him and Lestrange sat down beside her. It was the older one, so that meant it was Rodolphus, right? Or was it Rabastan? Too many Rs—he could never remember. But to be fair, he could never remember most of his relatives. Especially not how they were related to him.

Another boy with shoulder-length black hair sat down in a large chair—Snape, if he recalled correctly. He was only a year older than Regulus, but with his sneer and demeanor he clearly thought very highly of himself. “What’s that saying again? Another year, another Black?” he asked.

Narcissa rolled her eyes. She had been doing a lot of that lately. “Something like that.”

Lestrange leaned forward, spreading his legs wide and resting his elbows on his knees. “And yet we couldn’t quite say that about last year, now could we?” he pondered. His words sounded accusatory, not just of Sirius, but of the entire current company.

“Oh, not this again,” Narcissa sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Regulus shifted in his seat, a sick feeling in his stomach. He had always hated it when his family talked about Sirius, since they never had good things to say. He knew he idolized his brother, perhaps to an unreasonable degree, but did they have to insult him so often?

“Sore subject, Cissa?” Malfoy smirked.

She glared. “Shut up, Lucius.”

“That’s a yes,” he said. He leaned back and drank from his glass.

“Dear Sirius was never quite cut out for the importance of the Black family name.”

“What a pity he’s the heir,” Lestrange said.

“All that money gone to waste,” Snape muttered.

“I wouldn’t count on that for too long,” Malfoy said. “Have you heard how much time he spends in the Forbidden Forest? Not to mention the company he keeps. One day,” he jerked his head sharply to the side, “and next thing you know Regulus here is the new heir.”

Regulus’ eyes went wide. He couldn’t tell if that was a joke, a prediction, or an actual threat. All he knew was that Malfoy had just talked about his brother’s death and no one had even blinked.

And then Bella started giggling. Right in his ear. Incessantly.

Regulus shivered. 

The others started laughing, too. All except Narcissa, who wore a thin smile and remained silent, examining her nails.

Desperate to change the subject, Regulus finally spoke. “What do you mean ‘the company he keeps’?”

Malfoy scoffed. “Blood traitors.”

“Half-bloods,” Snape said.

“Mudbloods,” Lestrange practically snarled.

“Filth,” Bella spat.

“Not the people a Black associates with,” Narcissa clarified. As if such a comment was necessary.

“I can’t believe that idiot headmaster even lets mudbloods attend Hogwarts,” Bella huffed. “They’re like a disease, infecting the school.”

“They’re not all bad,” Snape reasoned.

Regulus looked towards the boy, somewhat surprised. Not two minutes ago he had been all aboard the Let’s-Kill-Sirius train, and now he was defending muggleborns? That’s where he drew the line?

“Excuse me?!” Bella said shrilly.

Lestrange just scoffed. “Yes, of course, not your dearest Evans.”

Snape glared. “What do you have against her?”

“It’s nothing personal. I just don’t care for muggles who cheat their way into Hogwarts.”

“She’s better at magic than you could ever hope to be.”

“You’re awfully touchy about the subject,” Lestrange noted. “Is there something you’re not telling us?”

“What do you mean?” Snape asked coolly.

Malfoy laughed. “Merlin’s beard, I can see it now! ‘Oh Lily! I know you’re a mudblood and I’m a Slytherin, but I just can’t stop thinking about you!’” He started making kissy noises.

Regulus laughed a little, but soon stopped when Bella started cackling. Something about her laugh had always been just plain unsettling.

Snape’s face turned bright red. He stood up and stormed out of the common room, grumbling something under his breath.

Regulus watched him go, thinking. If Snape was willing to defend a muggleborn, perhaps he wasn’t too bad a person. Maybe he could make a good friend.

Snape was probably better than his cousins, anyway, as they had resumed their conversation about the disgrace that was Sirius. Regulus tuned them out. Just a little longer and then he could go to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! Sorry it’s so short—this week has been busy. Hopefully I’ll be able to upload two chapters next week.  
> Comments are always very appreciated 💗


	4. Less Than 48 Hours

Sirius dropped his quill against his notebook and let his head fall against the wall. He couldn’t focus, no matter what he did. He usually had no problem studying for Defense Against the Dark Arts, but today it seemed impossible. Each word turned into a tangent in his mind, all eventually leading to the same place.

“When is Remus coming back?” he finally asked, unable to keep the question in any longer. 

Both James and Peter groaned. “Sometime today,” they said in unison.

It wasn’t the first time Sirius had asked about Remus’ whereabouts. He knew it was getting annoying. But he couldn’t help it. Every second that passed was another second Remus wasn’t there, another second he might not be okay. Why did Remus have to go every month? Couldn’t he skip one every now and then? Exams were coming up soon, and Remus was always worried about his test scores, despite the fact that he averaged 100%. It was so unlike him to leave right now. 

Logically, Sirius knew he was worrying too much. Remus would be fine. He always was. Even if he did look weaker every time he came back to school.

He was visiting his sick mother, right? What if he got sick too? Remus had never specified whether the illness was contagious or not. Then what?

“Remus’ll be back soon, mate. I’m sure he’s fine,” Peter assured him.

Sirius faked a smile, trying to act like he didn’t care. “I know. He’s just visiting his mum, of course he’s fine.” Granted, if Sirius was visiting his own mother he definitely wouldn’t be fine, but he had never gotten that vibe when Remus talked about his family.

“Good. That’s settled, then,” James said. “Now would you lot shut up so I can study? I have a Potions test tomorrow.”

“Since when do you care about Potions?” Sirius asked.

James grumbled something under his breath, looking back down at his notes.

“What was that?” Sirius didn’t have a clue what he had said.

“It’s Lily’s favorite subject,” Peter said, laughing a little.

“What, you think if you impress Lily with your Potions skills she’ll actually carry a conversation with you?” Sirius mocked.

James was silent for a moment. “Maybe.”

Peter and Sirius both started laughing.

“Shut up. It’s not like you two have exciting love lives.”

“Yeah, but we’re not nearly as hopeless as you,” Peter told him.

“Oh sure, just mock me all day, why don’t you,” James said sarcastically.

“Sounds good to me.” 

Sirius didn’t even have to look up to know who that was. He would know that voice anywhere.

He jumped up and threw his arms around Remus’ neck, delighted to feel Remus return the embrace.

“You’re back!” Sirius exclaimed.

“I wasn’t even gone for 48 hours,” Remus said, though he made no move to stop hugging Sirius.

James twirled his quill. “Really? Given how much Sirius whined about it, I was sure it was at least a few years.”

Remus squeezed Sirius a little tighter before releasing him.

Sirius stepped back, grinning up at his friend. He was very happy Remus was back. Probably excessively so. He knew Peter and James thought his excitement was over the top. He didn’t really care what they thought, though.

Sirius always got worried about his friends when they were apart. Especially Remus. James and Peter always told him to calm down, but he just couldn’t help it, not when Remus always came back to Hogwarts a little paler. Not when he always looked weaker and sickly when he got back, not when there were always hidden cuts that only Sirius noticed that made him worry what exactly… 

Everything stopped.

Just.

Stopped.

His head was empty of thoughts. He tried to think about something, but there was nothing there.

Remus.

Cut.

The two words formed in his head. They didn’t even form a sentence, but he knew what they meant.

Remus was hurt. Badly.

There was a cut on his face, running from his left eyebrow, across the bridge of his nose, all the way to his right cheek. And Sirius knew cuts. He knew how deep it was. Knew it would leave a scar.

They all seemed to notice at the same time.

An “Oh my god,” from Peter. A “You all right, mate?” from James.

And Sirius’ slow, belated reaction. “Remus… what happened?”

“It’s nothing,” Remus rushed.

Sirius reached his hand up to lightly touch the mark. Remus flinched back before Sirius had even touched him.

“No, it’s not,” Sirius said.

“I… I fell.”

If Sirius knew anything, he knew injuries. He knew cuts, he knew bruises, he knew what would and wouldn’t scar. And he knew panicked lying when he heard it. “Bollocks.”

Remus looked towards James and Peter for help, but they were still sitting in stunned silence.

“Remus, you know you can talk to us,” Sirius said.

Remus just shook his head. 

Sirius’ heart broke a little. Couldn’t they tell each other everything? Didn’t Remus trust them?

Didn’t Remus trust him?

“I promise you can tell me. I won’t be upset or anything.”

“I don’t—I don’t want to talk about it.” Remus’ eyes flicked to the sides as if he was looking for an exit.

Sirius reached his hand out. “Remus, please…”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” Remus was glaring at him. Really, truly angry with him.

Remus never lost his temper. Ever. And Sirius had still managed to piss him off. His heart broke a little bit then, too.

And then Remus was gone.

Sirius moved to run after him, but James caught his wrist.

“Let him go. Pushing him will only make things worse.”

Sirius knew James was right. But it still hurt. Why did Remus have to hide something from him?

~~~~~

Sirius tossed and turned in his bed, trying to fall asleep. He was exhausted, but no matter what he did, he still remained conscious, mind racing about what Remus wasn’t telling them and why Sirius had to be such an idiot and push him about it. Merlin knew Sirius wasn’t open with his friends about everything that went on at home. He shouldn’t have pushed him. Then maybe Remus would have returned to their room by now.

Still, if Remus had asked him about his scars? Sirius would have told him everything in a heartbeat.

The door creaked. Footsteps.

Sirius quietly got out of bed, pushing the curtains aside.

The two made eye contact. Remus’ amber eyes glinted in the darkness.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed,” Sirius said.

Remus was silent for a moment. 

The silence seemed to drag on. Sirius’ heart leapt into his throat. He had messed it all up. Remus didn’t even want to be his friend anymore.

“Don’t worry about it,” Remus said. Sirius relaxed. They were okay.

Remus pulled the curtains back to his own bed, climbing in. “I’m sorry, too.”

He never told Sirius what he was sorry for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually managed to get a chapter out early for once. I hope you liked it! Comments are always appreciated


	5. For Your Own Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for physical and mental abuse

Regulus shivered. It was the middle of July, and yet he was freezing. Not that that was unusual. His mother always kept the house abhorrently cold. She claimed it was because she always felt too hot, but personally he believed it was just to torture him.

He flipped to the next page in his book. If he was being honest with himself, it wasn’t very interesting. He had lost track of the number of times he had yawned. Still, what had he expected? It was a book “recommendation”, aka a you-will-read-this-or-else, from his mother. Of course it was long-winded and lacking in emotional depth. Not to mention the overwhelming abundance of bigotry.

A knock sounded at his door. 

“Come in,” Regulus said. He didn’t have to look up to know who it was. His parents never knocked, and Sirius usually got his attention with an exuberant “Regulus Regulus Regulus!” or a whiny “Reggieeeeee,” or the occasional timid “Reg?” Sometimes Regulus wasn’t sure who the older sibling was.

“Dinner has been served, Master Regulus,” Kreacher told him.

Regulus hopped off his bed and snapped the book shut. “Right.”

He followed Kreacher out of his bedroom, somewhat tempted to bring his book with him. As boring as it was, it would still be more interesting than whatever conversation might occur at the dinner table. He decided against it. Last time his mother had caught him reading at the dinner table his bruises had lasted for weeks. It would have been even worse had Sirius not distracted her and taken the brunt of the beating.

If he was being honest with himself, that was the real reason he was leaving the book behind. Sirius always ended up with more injuries than Regulus, no matter who their mother was angry with. It worried him sometimes. He was thankful, of course, but he had lost track of the number of times Sirius had taken his punishment for him. He had to wonder how much Sirius was doing it to protect him and how much of it was borne of self-hatred. Sirius had always been reckless, but lately he seemed to be less careless and more purposefully self-destructive. Regulus had tried to get Sirius to talk about it with him a few times, but Sirius always brushed it off.

Regulus made eye contact with his brother in the hallway. Sirius was huddled in a blanket, practically bouncing up and down with cold. He grumbled something about how freezing it was that sounded an awful lot like there were multiple expletives used.

Regulus raised an eyebrow, signaling at the blanket with his eyes.

Sirius groaned and stomped back to his room before returning blanket-free. His shoulders were stiff and he shivered a few times, but they both knew it was better. Walburga didn’t appreciate her children complaining about the cold, even if it was nonverbal.

The two rushed downstairs. The floorboards creaked beneath them. That was one of the many problems with the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black: it was ancient. The house was falling apart in places, barely held together by magic. The ancestors in the paintings were so far back from their lineage they didn’t know their names. And the colors of the walls and floors? Awful. Just plain awful. Whoever had built the place had a very questionable sense of style.

Orion and Walburga were already seated at the table and Sirius and Regulus quickly took their seats. The meal was silent. In some ways that was better. Without conversation, Regulus didn’t have to deal with talking to his parents, which was never enjoyable, or pretending to actually like the food, which was a mix of delicacies, all of which tasted strange and unpleasant. Yet the silence was uncomfortable. The kind of silence that seeped into the bones and made the room feel cold inside and out. The kind of silence that left you on edge, wondering just what terrible thing might happen next.

Their mother wasn’t drinking. That too was both good and bad. Without the alcohol she was less likely to fly off the handle for no reason. Unless she already had reason to. In that case it made her all the more dangerous, more quick-witted, more ruthless, more precise. And if it came to it? Her punishments could last ten times longer.

They finished the meal and the dishes were cleared, but their mother didn’t release them from the table. Regulus had a very bad feeling about this.

“Sirius, we’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while, now,” their father said. His hands were folded. That meant things might get messy tonight, and he knew it. So he was going to sit back and watch.

Regulus knew better than to ask to be excused. It didn’t matter who his parents were talking to. He stayed at the table. That was another part of the manipulation. To watch as his brother was tortured. To understand that there was no escape. To lose any hope he had left.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “For the last time. I’m not cutting my hair.”

Their mother gave Sirius a stern look. “It’s not about your hair.”

“Oh, good, I don’t think I could handle another…” He trailed off upon noticing that their mother had pulled out a fairly large stack of papers. “What are those?”

Their mother just cleared her throat. Dread pooled in Regulus’ stomach. It was never good when she did that.

“Dear Sirius,” she began. “My summer is going well. I hope yours isn’t too bad. I know it must be just awful not having me around, but I’m sure you’re surviving somehow. I owled Evans, but she hasn’t responded yet. Remus and Peter are coming over to my place next week. Do you think you could convince your parents to let you join us? Let me know. James Potter.”

“What?!” Sirius sputtered. “I never got that letter.”

“You think we would actually let you spend time with that blood traitor?” Orion scoffed.

Sirius’ jaw hung open.

Regulus wished he could say he was surprised, but this was typical for his parents. In fact, things were now starting to make sense. All the days Sirius had looked disappointed whenever an owl arrived, why he was so much more reckless and upset lately. He had thought his friends hadn’t written him a single letter in two months.

“Dear Sirius, how are you? We missed you at James’ place last night. I hope you’re having a good summer. Peter Pettigrew,” their mother finished reading. “Talking with half-bloods, too? Honestly, Sirius.”

“They’re my friends,” he spat. “And that’s my mail!” He reached for the stack, but their mother smacked his hand out of the air. 

“Dear Sirius, Dear Sirius, Dear Sirius,” she mocked, flipping through the papers. “Oh, here’s an interesting one.” Her smile sent shivers down Regulus’ back. Or maybe that was the cold.

“Dear Sirius, I really hope you’re okay. I just… I don’t even know what to say. I know James and Peter haven’t heard from you either, but I figured if things aren’t going too well you would at least talk to me. Did I do something to upset you? I’m really sorry if I did. It would just be really nice if you would talk to me. I mean, for all I know you’re not even reading this and you’re hurt or dead or something. Well, I guess I’ll see you at school. Don’t be dead, yeah? Remus Lupin.” Walburga chuckled. “What a sweet boy, isn’t he?”

Fire danced in Sirius’ eyes. “Give me my mail.” There was no more whine or shock in his voice. Just pure rage.

“So you can talk to these scum? I think not,” their mother said.

Regulus’ eyes darted between his brother and his mother. He felt frozen. It was the same thing. Every time, it was the same. An unending cycle, something Regulus could never even hope to escape. Sirius’ unbridled anger versus Walburga’s unchecked cruelty. Sirius lost every time. Just as he would now. And Regulus would have to watch.

“You’ve been keeping letters from my friends from me all this time?!” Sirius shouted.

“Yes,” their mother said. “You are a Black. I can’t just let you run around with these riffraff.” 

Sirius stood, slamming his hands down on the table. “That’s so fucking messed up!”

Regulus felt like he was sinking. The world was shattering around him, just like the glasses on the table.

Walburga’s voice was quiet. Lethal. “What did you just say?”

Please don’t say it again, Regulus begged his brother silently.

“I said it’s really fucking messed up!”

“Everte Statum!”

Suddenly Sirius was thrown backwards, over his chair. He hit the wall, hard. Walburga stood and walked towards her son. Orion remained at the table, hands folded and leaning back in his chair.

A lump was forming in Regulus’ throat. There was blood on the back of Sirius’ head, and his shoulder was at an odd angle.

Their mother pointed her wand at Sirius again. “You must learn respect,” she said. “Do you understand why this is necessary?”

Sirius just stared. The fire in his eyes was gone.

“Your mother asked you a question, Sirius,” their father said.

“Yes,” Sirius said. His voice was hoarse. “I understand.”

“Good. Then you understand what I have to do next.” Their mother hesitated, before using the calmest and coldest voice Regulus had ever heard. “Crucio.”

Regulus would be able to hear his brother’s scream for the rest of his life.

Sirius writhed on the ground, screaming and screaming and screaming. 

A tear worked its way down Regulus’ cheek. He had known his mother was awful, but not like this. She was using an unforgivable curse on her son. She was literally torturing her son.

And Sirius was still screaming.

Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop.

Regulus started counting the seconds. At 28, their mother stopped. 

Sirius was still shaking. Regulus wanted nothing more than to run to him, but he stayed put.

Their mother kneeled down and stroked his brother’s cheek. Sirius visibly flinched.

“I do love you, Sirius,” she said. “I don’t enjoy this any more than you do.” She paused and stood, staring down at him. 

“But it’s for your own good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...don’t hate me.   
> Comments are very appreciated


	6. The Best It’s Gonna Get

Everything hurt. Merlin, everything hurt. Pain laced every movement Sirius made. The uncontrollable twitching in his fingers, the rise and fall of his chest—even blinking was painful.

His vision was blurry. He blinked a few times to clear it, but it didn’t help. The back of his head was cold. Wet. He was bleeding. The thought was passive. Blood was dripping from his head, yet it didn’t seem to really matter. It probably explained his vision.

‘It’s for your own good.’ That mattered more than the pain or the blood. Just two years ago he would have believed her. Part of him still wanted to. Part of him wanted to believe that there was a reason for all this, that his mother was right and she just wanted what was best for him. 

The rest of him wanted to scream and tear this whole damn house apart, brick by fucking brick.

He made eye contact with Regulus. His brother was stone-faced, but Sirius could make out the tears on his cheeks. That almost hurt more than the physical pain. Almost.

“You are excused,” their father said, as if they had been merely waiting for permission to leave the dinner table. He never acknowledged the things his wife did to their children.

“You will go to your rooms and you will not leave until breakfast tomorrow morning. Do not go to each other’s rooms. Kreacher will stand guard. If you leave your rooms for any reason he will notify me immediately,” their mother clarified. 

Mother. How could he even call her that? She had used the cruciatus curse on him. She had tortured him.

This monster was not his mother.

His parents left the room, shortly followed by Regulus. Sirius was alone.

Only then did he let himself cry.

Sobs wracked his body, each one more painful than the last. His throat got tighter and tighter until he was gulping down air. It hurt. It hurt so much. Even the tears were painful.

It felt like he was suffocating. He couldn’t breathe. He could never breathe here. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, and he was completely cut off from his friends. The house seemed smaller and smaller with each passing day, every second. Soon it would smother him, squeeze too tight, crack his ribs and crush his body. That would probably be less painful than this.

Mustering what little effort he could, Sirius pushed himself off the floor. It was then that he noticed his shoulder. Pain sliced through the joint. It wasn’t half as bad as the curse, but he still fought a scream. He forced himself to breathe deeply, in and out. He needed to pull himself together. Crying wouldn’t help anything.

He limped to the table and grabbed the stack of letters. Walburga wouldn’t notice their absence. They had already served their purpose, so she had no need for them. Sirius didn’t read them now. If he did he wouldn’t be able to stop crying again. He would read them later, once everything didn’t hurt so much.

The walls seemed to close in on him as he made his way up the stairs. He didn’t remember the stairs being this long. Why did every step have to be so painful?

The portraits on the walls were staring at him, whispering to each other. A few were horrified. Most seemed to be of the ‘children must be punished’ train of thought. None of them spoke directly to him.

He reached his bedroom. The creak of the door grated on his ears. He made it to his bed before his body gave out entirely. Collapsed on his bed, he let the letters fall to the floor. Maybe he would deal with them tomorrow.

He glanced at the clock. 8:30. It wasn’t even that late and yet he was exhausted. He blamed the torture. The tears were coming again, but he held them back, squeezing his eyes shut. He shifted to curl up on his side. His shoulder screamed as he moved. It was probably severely dislocated. He would deal with that tomorrow, too.

Was his head still bleeding? He reached up to check, but his hand came back dry, red flecks peppering his fingers. At least he wasn’t going to die from loss of blood, then.

His door slowly opened and Sirius sat up as fast as he could. He breathed a little easier once he realized it was Regulus. His brother softly shut the door behind him.

“What are you doing here?” Sirius hissed.

Regulus held up the rags and bowl of water he was holding. “What do you think I’m doing?” He walked forward and set the bowl and the rags down on the bedside table.

“You can’t be here! Kreacher will—“

“Kreacher is more loyal to me than he is to Mother,” Regulus interrupted. “He won’t say anything. Where do you think I got those?” He jerked his head towards the table.

Sirius slumped. He didn’t have enough energy to argue with Regulus tonight. Every word took extreme effort.

He let Regulus get up on the bed behind him, letting the cold of the wet rag on his head wash over him. “I thought Kreacher loved Walburga.” He had resolved not to refer to her as his mother anymore.

“Oh, he does. But I’m the only one who ever thanks him for anything.” Regulus was dabbing at Sirius’ head, washing off the blood. Every now and then he would dunk the rag in the bowl of water, squeeze it out, and return to his work. His work was light and efficient, years of practice having made both him and Sirius experts on basic first aid.

The next few minutes passed in silence. Regulus cleaned the wound on Sirius’ head and Sirius tried to take his mind away from the pain. Silence between them was comfortable. It always had been.

Regulus dropped the bloodied rag in the water. “That’s probably the best it’s gonna get until you wash your hair. At least the cut isn’t bleeding anymore.”

“Yeah,” Sirius whispered. His voice was raw.

Regulus slid off the bed. “Come on, let’s get that shoulder fixed.”

Sirius groaned. “Do we have to?”

“It’s only going to hurt for longer if we don’t.” 

Sirius sighed, but picked up a clean rag and stuffed it in his mouth. The cloth was scratchy against his to tongue and tasted funny, but it was better than Walburga hearing his screams. He lay down on his stomach on the bed, letting the arm in question hang off the side. This was standard procedure at this point.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw his brother kneeling down, placing his hands around Sirius’ arm. Sirius braced himself.

Regulus tugged with a minimal pressure. He ignored Sirius’ scream. The rag was working to muffle the sound well enough. “I had an idea so your friends can still contact you,” Regulus said.

Sirius tried to focus on Regulus’ words through the pain. He knew that was why he was talking. If there was a distraction, Sirius would be more relaxed and wouldn’t notice the pain quite as much. Suddenly the tug stopped, and Sirius let out a sigh of relief, even though he knew there was more coming.

Regulus tugged on his arm again. “They could write to me instead since Mother doesn’t check my mail. If they write Reg on it instead of my full name I’ll know it’s for you. Then I can just give it to you, alright?”

The pressure stopped again and Sirius nodded. That should work. Regulus always had the best ideas.

Regulus started pulling again and Sirius couldn’t hold in the scream that was ripped from his throat. This time it hurt so much worse. Oh fuck it hurt… 

His shoulder popped back into place. Sirius sat up, spitting out the rag and started rolling his shoulder slowly. “All better.”

Regulus nodded. “Good. I should go back to my room. I’ll see you in the morning I guess.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, watching his brother leave the room.

Every now and then he would twitch, but otherwise Sirius felt significantly better. His eyes were drooping, and every time he blinked it was harder to open his eyes back up again. All he wanted to do was sleep for a million years.

He splashed some water on his face. He couldn’t sleep. Not yet.

Sirius walked to his desk and grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill. He started writing.

It was time he told his friends what had happened. All the missed letters, how awful his mother truly was. Well, not everything. He left out the cruciatus curse. But everything else was there. He needed someone to talk to, and they deserved to know.

It was easy to choose who to write to first.

“Dear Remus…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this wasn’t as painful? Thanks for reading! Comments make my day <3


	7. All That Matters

Regulus was sitting on the edge of his seat, enthralled by the match before him. It was the first Quidditch game of the year, and he couldn’t be more excited.

To the casual observer, this was not Regulus’ ideal place. As a rule, he avoided crowds. He hated the noise, the screaming, people bumping into him. It was all too much. 

That was one of the many ways he and Sirius were different. His brother loved being surrounded by people, but Regulus couldn’t stand it.

Quidditch, however, was an exception. Quidditch wasn’t suffocating crowds, Quidditch was freedom. It was players flying past, the cold biting at his nose, hoops and bludgers and the snitch. It was organized chaos, friendly competition. It was strength and teamwork and friendship. It made the crowd and noise around him slip away, until it was nothing but him and the game and the empty air.

Regulus hadn’t made the team this year, but that wasn’t surprising since he was a second year. But next year, he would play for Slytherin. Next year was the year. He would be the greatest seeker Slytherin had ever seen.

At least, that was the story he told himself. At night, when the darkness consumed him and nightmares tugged at his mind, he remembered the freedom of flying, the wind whipping around him. He imagined catching the snitch, and the school cheering. His housemates would finally see him as Regulus, not just another Black, tainted by the failures of his older brother. 

Flying was the only time he felt truly free.

He refocused himself on the game. The air around him was tense, buzzing with chatter. The game was close, and Regulus didn’t know who to root for.

Did he root for Slytherin, his own house? The people who surrounded him every day? Or did he root for Gryffindor, for Sirius and his friends? Regulus honestly didn’t know who he wanted to win.

He kept his eyes trained on Sirius. His brother zipped through the air, following a bludger. Sirius had the same expression on his face Regulus knew he must wear every time he was flying, giddy and carefree. And determined. A hard smile, a glint in the eyes. A clear sign that he felt ready to conquer the world.

Another bludger came flying towards Sirius from behind. Regulus’ heart leapt into his throat, his brother’s name on his lips, ready to scream at him to duck. 

Sirius didn’t need the warning. He swerved to the side, watching the bludger as it zoomed past. He gave a little wave as it flew after a Slytherin chaser.

Something shiny caught Regulus’ eye. He focused on it, squinting. The snitch.   
He glanced around the stands, keeping one eye on the snitch. No one else seemed to notice. Not even the seekers.  
Regulus silently congratulated himself. He had seen the snitch before anyone else.

It didn’t take long for the Slytherin seeker to find it too. The Gryffindor seeker noticed less than a second later.  
The crowds cheered as the seekers chased after the snitch, neck and neck. 

“And the seekers have found the snitch!” the announcer said. “At 30 to 35, Gryffindor in the lead, the game could end at any moment. It’s only a question of who will catch the snitch first.” This year’s announcer was good—Alice, was it? She was significantly better than last year’s, who hadn’t known the first thing about actually engaging an audience. 

The seekers flew a little too close to the Slytherin stands and Regulus stood to get a better view. The people behind him protested, but he didn’t notice. He was too invested in the game.

Suddenly a bludger came flying towards the Gryffindor seeker. She ducked, but it cost her time. The Slytherin seeker was a full broom’s length ahead.

The Gryffindors were yelling at their seeker to catch up, but she was too far behind. The Slytherin seeker had caught the snitch.

Alice’s voice boomed through the stands. “Nott caught the snitch! Slytherin wins!”

The entire Slytherin house stood, shouting. Regulus immediately covered his ears, but not in time to miss Alice’s, “Well, shit.” He laughed to himself. Clearly she had forgotten everyone could still hear her.

Regulus’ face fell when he noticed the bludger the Gryffindor seeker had barely avoided careening straight towards his brother.

“Sirius!” Regulus screamed, but he was drowned out by the Slytherins’ cheers.  
The bludger hit Sirius straight in the back, knocking him off his broom.

The blood rushing in Regulus’ ears was the only sound he could hear.

Everything faded away. There was only his brother falling.

The Slytherins quieted, watching the spectacle.

Sirius hit the ground.

Someone in the Gryffindor stands screamed.

Regulus looked towards the sound. The boy was already rushing down the stands. It looked like that Lupin kid.  
Regulus followed suit, trying to get to his brother, but the Slytherin crowd was too crammed. He couldn’t get through.

Merlin, he hoped Sirius was okay. And that fall… hopefully it didn’t mess up his shoulder too badly. Granted, the shoulder had been dislocated a few months ago, but he knew, probably better than anyone, how bad injuries upon injuries could get.

Regulus tried to push past the people in front of him, but eventually gave up, resigned to walk single file down the stairs. He supposed that it wouldn’t have too much of an effect if he got to Sirius one minute later. At least, that’s what he knew logically. It actually felt more like the world was ending and if he didn’t get to his brother right now something terrible would happen.

He finally got to the ground and ran towards Sirius, a crowd of Gryffindors already formed around him.

Regulus tried to push through, but a hand grabbed his wrist. Suddenly he was yanked backwards with enough force that he couldn’t stop himself from falling. He landed on his side. The scent of grass and feet crawled up his nose.  
He forced himself off the ground, shaking off the impact. There was mud on his cheek, but he didn’t care. Instead he turned to the culprit, glaring.

Bellatrix huffed, arms folded. “What were you doing, exactly?”

“I was going to see my brother,” Regulus said. “He’s hurt. Don’t you care?”

“No. Why would you?” she asked.

“Because he’s my brother!” This was ridiculous. He knew Bella was heartless, but not to this level. Her cousin had just fallen some ten feet, and she didn’t even care.

“And who’s more important: your brother, the traitor, or your housemates, your true family?”

Regulus just gave her a disgusted look and moved back towards the crowd. Someone else caught his arm.

He turned towards the person, fire in his eyes. “Let go of me.”

Snape narrowed his eyes. “I would listen to your cousin if I were you. What will people think when they see you with a Gryffindor?”

Regulus looked around. The Gryffindors hadn’t noticed their little spat, but a group of Slytherins certainly had, watching closely.

He hung his head. Snape was right. He couldn’t let them see how close he and Sirius really were.

Regulus, Bellatrix, and Snape started walking back towards the crowd of onlookers.

“We won the game,” Snape told Regulus. “That’s all that matters.”

~~~~~

Regulus made his way, half-running, towards the Hospital Wing. If he got there in time he might be able to talk to Sirius for a few minutes before dinner, but he had to get there quickly if he wanted any real time.

His steps thundered against the floor. Thankfully it was so close to dinner that no one was in the halls, so he didn’t have to worry about weaving through masses of people. He just had to get there in time.

Suddenly he rammed into someone. The boy, Malfoy, stumbled, but managed to keep his balance enough to stay upright. It seemed Regulus hadn’t been quite as alone as he thought.

“Watch where you’re going, you filthy—“ Malfoy broke off, realizing who he was talking to. “Oh. Black. Going somewhere?” He made it very clear that he knew exactly where Regulus had been heading.

This was a bit of a complication. After all, the point of going to the Hospital Wing now was avoiding anyone else. If Lucius knew, he would never keep his mouth shut about it.

“Oh, uh, no,” Regulus said hurriedly, feigning a laugh. “Just walking, er, running to dinner.”

“The Great Hall is that way,” Malfoy pointed out, gesturing in the opposite direction.

“Of course! Of course. I must have gotten lost.” Regulus shrugged, keeping a fake smile on his face. Merlin, he was a terrible liar.

Malfoy smiled tightly, though he was evidently unamused. He obviously didn’t believe Regulus for a second. “Well then. Since you can’t seem to find your way around even in your second year, why don’t I walk with you?”

Regulus’ heart sank. So much for visiting Sirius. Maybe he would try again after dinner. “Sounds great.”

~~~~~

It was half an hour until curfew. He still had thirty minutes to see Sirius. Regulus just hoped that would be enough.

The wall was rough against his skin as he trailed his hand along it, taking the stairs from his room to the Slytherin common room two at a time. He had gotten roped into a conversation with his roommate and lost track of time, which was strange considering Avery was really quite dull. Thankfully Avery had decided he needed to study a bit, giving Regulus a window to escape.

Just in time, too. At this rate Regulus would have to run going to and from the Hospital Wing if he wanted to have a decent amount of time there.

He reached the end of the stairs and stayed to the edge of the common room. It was fairly empty, save for the few students studying or playing wizards chess. Hopefully no one would notice him.

Sirius wouldn’t be mad at Regulus for waiting too long to see him, would he? No, he would understand. Of course he would understand, he was Sirius. He was the one who had decided they needed to meet in private in the first place.

Regulus got to the door, only to find Narcissa sitting right next to it. “Well, hello,” she said. She raised an eyebrow, a knowing smile on her face. “In a rush?”

Regulus schooled his features. He probably wouldn’t be able to convince Cissa of anything other than what she already expected, but he could at least make a better attempt than he did with Malfoy. “Yes, actually. I left my Potions book in the classroom.”

“Why don’t I accompany you?” Narcissa asked. She wasn’t fooled, then.

There went his chance to see Sirius at all. 

“That’s not necessary,” Regulus insisted. “I’ll just grab it tomorrow.”

He walked back to his room, slow and calm on the outside, a fire burning within. His cousins could rot. When had they ever done anything for him? He just wanted to see his brother. Was that really so much to ask?

~~~~~

The next morning Regulus got up as early as he could and rushed to see Sirius first thing. Thankfully he was early enough that he didn’t see any Slytherins in the halls, only a Ravenclaw prefect who gave him a questioning look. 

He walked into the Hospital Wing and was immediately met by Madam Pomfrey. “Are you here to see someone, dear?”

Regulus nodded. “Sirius.”

“Oh!” She laughed. “I’m sorry. I released him about twenty minutes ago. You just missed him.”

Regulus just nodded again, even though it felt like he was breaking apart. “Thank you.”

Regulus being late, Sirius would understand. But not showing up altogether? That was another story. 

They had been through so much together. They were supposed to be there for each other. Regulus hadn’t been there. He had failed.

Failed. A failure. Words his mother threw at Sirius like they were confetti. How long, Regulus wondered, would it take for her to start saying them about him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not, in fact, dead! Sorry for the wait—school was hell. I’ll try to get back on a normal schedule.  
> I hope you liked the chapter! Comments are love


	8. For Now

All Sirius really wanted to do was cry. Today was not his day. Actually, this year was not his year. He wanted a redo. Fuck it; this life was not his life. He wanted a redo on that too.

He trudged up the steps to his room and walked in. The door slammed behind him.

“You’re back!” James exclaimed. He, Remus, and Peter were getting ready to go down for breakfast. Peter was still getting dressed, Remus was putting his shoes on, and James was attempting, and failing, to brush his hair. In other words, a normal morning. Except for the fact that Sirius had been in the Hospital Wing and was now considering the merits of hiding under his bed for the rest of eternity.

Remus gave him a concerned look. “How are you feeling?”

Sirius laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Like I want a redo on life.” He flopped down on his bed. The blankets were smooth, softer than the ones in the Hospital Wing. If only he had been able to sleep there.

James smirked. “Melodramatic much?”

Remus stood, having finished tying his shoes. “That’s a big word, James,” he said, leaning against the bedpost. “You sure you know what it means?”

“Oh, bugger off.”

“It’s not that dramatic,” Peter piped up. He shrugged. “I mean, I wouldn’t want to be Sirius either.”

Sirius glared. “Thanks, Pete.” This was not the kind of support he had been hoping for.

“No problem.” Peter looked much too happy with himself. Sirius supposed he probably deserved that. He was kind of an arse. Still, was it really necessary to be reminded of that now?

“Seriously though. How are you?” James asked. He threw the comb down in defeat. There was no taming his hair. Sirius still questioned why James even tried.

Peter groaned. “Really? That pun again?”

“What are you talking—” James cut himself off, suddenly realizing what he had said. “Merlin, I hate myself.”

Sirius sighed and sat up, unfazed by it all. How was he feeling? 

Like hell. Like he had been hit by a bludger, fallen off his broom, and woken up to find that his friends came to visit but his brother apparently didn’t care enough. Which is exactly what happened, he supposed, but the more he thought about it, the angrier he was. Regulus hadn’t even shown up. Not once. Even though he had been in the Hospital Wing all day and all night, his brother hadn’t deigned to visit.

A lump was forming in his throat. He tried to force it down, though it wouldn’t exactly be unreasonable if he had started crying. He had been hit by a bludger, after all. Those things weren’t exactly light.

James probably didn’t want any of his “melodrama” though, and had been talking about his physical state. “I’m fine.” Which was true. Physically, he was great. He had been healed by Madam Pomfrey; of course he felt fine.

That didn’t mean he was fine, though. In fact, he was the exact opposite of fine. Of all the words he could think of to describe his current state, none of them were even close to fine.

James clearly didn’t notice. “Great. Off to breakfast, then?”

Sirius squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t want to eat. He didn’t want to go to class, he didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to do anything. If James wasn’t so oblivious, maybe he’d see that.

Great, now he was mad at James, too? Maybe Regulus wasn’t the problem, maybe it was himself.

Remus glanced between the two of them. His brow creased. “You and Peter go ahead, yeah? Sirius and I will catch up.”

James shrugged, heading towards the door. “Suit yourself. See you in a few.” Peter followed him out.

Sirius shifted to the side to let Remus sit down next to him. The bed creaked slightly under his weight.

“What’s really bothering you?”

Sirius remained silent for a few moments. He felt pathetic for caring about it so much. So what Regulus hadn’t shown up? His friends had. They were the ones who mattered. 

Yet he still couldn’t force himself to not care. This was Regulus he was talking about. His little brother. He would always care.

“Regulus,” he finally said. “He never showed up.”

Part of him expected Remus to tell him to get over it. Remus was the logical one. The one who called them out when they were being idiots. And he was certainly being an idiot now.

Remus didn’t, though. He just took Sirius’ hand and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

The floodgates opened and Sirius couldn’t stop himself from unceremoniously crying into his friend’s shoulder. Remus didn’t comment, only rubbed his thumb across the back of Sirius’ hand.

Sirius didn’t know how long they sat there. Probably only for a few moments, but it felt like much, much longer. 

Perhaps it should have been awkward. Had it been James, or Peter, maybe even Regulus, it would have been awkward. But not with Remus. He never felt awkward with Remus.

Only when he had finally composed himself did Remus speak. “A little better?”

Sirius nodded, allowing himself a weak smile. “Yeah. A little.”

~~~~~

He had considered not going. There was always the option of staying in Gryffindor tower with his friends and ignoring the whole thing. But he needed to get this sorted.

So there Sirius was, standing outside the Room of Requirement, waiting for his brother. 

It wasn’t too late to go back. Regulus wasn’t there yet. He would never know. 

But though it was tempting, Sirius stayed. Remus was right. Regulus deserved a chance to explain himself. Even if Sirius didn’t really want to hear it.

Sirius looked up at the sound of footsteps pounding on the floor. Regulus came skidding to a halt, breathless.

“Sorry,” he said. “I was held back a bit.”

Sirius just stared at him. This wasn’t making it any easier to forgive. “Right.”

Regulus looked like he was about to say something, but shut his mouth. They walked into the Room of Requirement wordlessly.

The room was a little larger than usual. The couches remained, but they were further apart and there were more tables with small, glass objects on them. Breakable objects.

The Room of Requirement really did know how he was feeling.

He was trying not to be angry. He really was. Lashing out like his parents did was not a path he wanted to walk, and he knew he had that potential. Still, it was difficult. He and Reg had been through so much. Was it really so hard to spend a few minutes with him?

“Sirius, I’m sorry,” Regulus started. “I wanted to go see you, I really did.”

The ice in Sirius’ veins melted a little. Regulus was being sincere. Of course he was being sincere. This was Regulus. Merlin, he felt terrible for doubting him.

“I tried. Three times, I think?”

Three times. Sirius really was terrible and melodramatic.

“But every time some of my housemates would stop me. They told me I couldn’t be seen talking with you.” Regulus paused for a second, a pleading look in his eyes. “You have to understand. I can’t let them know how much I care about you.”

Sirius froze. Regulus hadn’t been stopped by teachers, or curfew, or anything. He had been stopped by their cousins, people he claimed weren’t important.

It was a blow. He understood why Regulus did it, but it still hurt. Sirius thought he had mattered more.

Still, there was no use holding onto it. Part of him didn’t want to let it go. He wanted to stay angry, let it stew inside. But it would do no good. Regulus was his brother, and he had made a mistake. That was all.

“I forgive you,” Sirius said.

Regulus looked genuinely surprised. “You do?”

Sirius faked a smile, the kind he knew could fool anybody. Even Remus. “Of course I forgive you,” he laughed. He pulled his brother in for a hug and squeezed him for a second. Regulus wriggled out, laughing a bit.

That wasn’t surprising. The two of them hadn’t exactly gotten much physical affection growing up, and it had opposite effects on them. Sirius sometimes forget the meaning of personal space, whereas Regulus hated physical contact. 

Their laughter died down and Regulus met his brother’s eyes. “I’m still sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s okay.”

It wasn’t okay. Not really. If Regulus let his cousins impact their relationship this much, even right now, Sirius could only imagine how much worse it might get. What that might mean for them in the future.

But for now, he would forgive and forget. They were brothers. He wouldn’t let something this small get between them.

For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly this chapter came out of nowhere in two days. I hope you liked it!  
> Comments are always appreciated


	9. Just Occupied

It had been a long, long day. All of Regulus’ least favorite classes had been scheduled one after the other, along with a test in two of them, one of which was a partner test and he had been paired up with some obnoxious Gryffindor who never shut up. Because of her incessant babbling, Regulus was positive they had made at least two mistakes, and now he couldn’t stop thinking about them, letting them eat away at his focus and turn his mind into chaotic mess of anxiety.

 

Quite frankly, he just wanted to go to bed. Of course, today was Tuesday, so he still had plans to meet Sirius, but that wasn’t for another few hours. He could take a well-deserved nap and let sleep take all the worries away. Or, at least make him worry about other things. His dreams weren’t usually the peaceful kind.

 

Unfortunately, getting to his bed meant getting to his bedroom, which meant getting through the common room. Which, granted, he did every day, but today it was becoming more and more difficult, as a throng of students crowded around someone, right in front of the steps to the dormitories.

 

This was going to be incredibly fun, he thought with sarcasm. He thought a lot of things sarcastically, didn’t he? He would estimate that about half his thoughts were just snide remarks he didn’t have the guts to voice. Maybe people would like him more if he spoke his mind. Or maybe not, considering his mind often disagreed with most of his housemates. No one was going to want to spend time with him if he mocked everything they said.

 

It would be funny, though, to watch as everyone lost their minds when sweet little Regulus Black called them out on their bullshit. 

 

He shook the thought. Tempting as it was, the next five or so years of Hogwarts would be significantly less fun if his housemates had it in for him. Still, Sirius would have been proud of him for entertaining the thought.

 

Regulus walked towards the growing crowd, trying to edge past without being noticed. He squeezed against the wall and held his breath. He shuffled along, inch by inch, desperate not to make a noise.

 

Avery whipped his head around, eyes alighting on Regulus. “Oh, Regulus!”

 

Well, that had failed. He really had to work on this whole stealth thing.

 

“Come on, you’ll want to hear this,” Avery urged him. Other people were looking at him now, making room for him to stand and listen. Regulus shuddered slightly. He hated people looking at him, but there was no way out with so many. He would just have to calm the sick feeling in his stomach and pretend to be interested in whatever dull, bigoted gossip house Slytherin was buzzing about now.

 

“Oh, it wasn’t all  _ that  _ entertaining,” a bored, feminine voice claimed. That was Narcissa. Oh great, his cousins were involved. That would just make his whole day complete.

 

“Sure it was!” a younger student piped up. “Best duel I’ve seen all year.”

 

Narcissa scoffed. “Please, you call that a duel? It was more like a cat chasing a rat. Honestly, did you even see the kid? I almost feel bad for him.”

 

“Wait, what happened?” Rookwood asked.

 

Regulus shifted a little bit so he could see a little better past the heads in front of him to the center of the crowd. Everyone was staring at Narcissa and Bellatrix, practically ready to kiss their feet. This was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Why was it that every time his cousins were involved, Regulus felt sick to his stomach?

 

“Well, we were just walking back from class,” Bellatrix started. 

 

Regulus rolled his eyes. ‘Walking back from class.’ More like loitering to see who her next victim would be.

 

“And we struck up a conversation with this Gryffindor student,” she continued. Also coded words. ‘Struck up a conversation’ meaning she made rude or insulting remarks. “Oh, I forget his name now.”

 

“Lupin,” Snape provided. Eyes flicked towards him. Of course Snape had been there. Whenever there was commotion he was there, standing on the sidelines, like he fed off the chaos. Watching other people upset seemed to be his only joy in life. Besides that Evans girl. Regulus was still baffled how that worked out.

 

“Who?” someone in the crowd asked.

 

“Surely you know him,” Snape insisted. “Third year, enormous stick up his arse, randomly misses class but somehow gets the best marks on tests?”

 

“Don’t forget those disgusting scars,” Yaxley reminded.

 

“And the fact that he’s friends with Potter.” Snape spat the name like just saying it physically pained him.

 

“Potter? Doesn’t that mean…”

 

“Also friends with our dear cousin Sirius,” Bellatrix answered.

 

Regulus had to refrain from audibly groaning. Did everything have to come back to his brother?

 

“Well, anyway,” Bella said. “He didn’t seem to like the conversation or something, and then his friend, this short little wimp of a kid, tells me to back off.” She laughed, half-snorting half-cackling. The rest of the room laughed with her. Regulus had to wonder if it was partially out of fear. Everyone knew Bellatrix got her way, no matter what. 

 

Bellatrix tried to regain her breath, still laughing a bit. “So I hexed him, nothing too harsh. And he tries to hex me, but his aim is so bad the curse almost hits Cissa instead.”

 

Some of the Slytherins were howling now. Regulus tried, but he failed to see the humor.

 

“And then, well. Cissa can tell this part.”

 

Narcissa rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t that big a deal. I just used a little dark magic is all.” Some of the first years gazed at her in awe.

 

Bellatrix snorted at the memory. “Lupin had to half-carry the kid, crying, to the hospital wing.”

 

Regulus listened for a little longer, but it soon became clear that was the end of the story, so he tuned out the rest. He backed out of the crowd to give himself some breathing room. He desperately needed it. Inhaling became more of a burden the more he thought about it. 

 

Narcissa had used dark magic. On another student. At school.

 

That was his cousin. Using dark magic, on a third year. This was what his family was. Bullies and criminals.

 

And he was expected to be just like them.

 

He had to blink back tears. He would not be like them. He wouldn’t curse another student, or hate people for who they were. Yes, he would keep up the pretense, but the moment he was free, he would do the right thing. He wasn’t his cousins.

 

Reality came crashing back around him, disorienting him for a moment. He regained his bearings. Since everyone was still occupied, he realized that then would be a good time to make his way to the Room of Requirement.

 

He walked up the stairs and through the castle, trying to entertain his mind with anything other than what Bellatrix had been talking about. Judging by the uneasiness of his stomach, it didn’t work too well.

 

Eventually he entered the Room of Requirement and sat down to wait for his brother. He just hoped he wouldn’t be waiting too long.

 

~~~~~

 

Sirius never came.

 

That was the only thing he could think about at breakfast the next day. Sirius never showed up. Somehow, for some reason, Sirius blamed Regulus for hurting his friend, or at the very least not standing up for his friend.

 

Regulus couldn’t say he blamed him. Given his appearances and what had happened after the quidditch match, he probably would have blamed himself, too.

 

Still, that didn’t make it any less awful. 

 

Instead of talking with Sirius like they had planned, Regulus had spent his time crying. Just painful, heavy sobs. He didn’t even know why. The day had been long, but it hadn’t been the worst day of his life. He could name several days which had been worse. Perhaps Slytherin was taking a larger toll on him than he thought. Or perhaps he had just been too devastated already to handle Sirius flaking on him.

 

His brother blamed him. Sirius was mad at him. The one person he really, truly trusted was mad at him.

 

He took it back. That was plenty reason to cry.

 

He tried to eat breakfast, but he just couldn’t stomach it. Everything tasted like ash in his mouth, even though the food looked as good as ever. His world was falling apart with every passing second.

 

At least, he had thought it was his world. Until he realized that the rest of the Slytherin table wasn’t touching their food either.

 

He started to whisper to the person next to him, “What’s going…”

 

Something caught his eye. He looked up towards the entrance to the hall to see the most surprising and wonderful thing in the world.

 

Narcissa and Bellatrix were walking towards the table. And their skin was glowing, flashing between red and gold. They were fuming.

 

Regulus couldn’t hold back his smile, letting all his worries slip away.

 

Sirius hadn’t been mad at him. Just occupied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, once again, sorry for the delay. I’ve been really stressed lately. Hopefully someday I’ll get back to a regular schedule? Who knows. Anyways, thanks for bearing with me. Reviews are love❤️


	10. What to Expect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: child abuse, blood

The noise and bustle of the Great Hall washed over him, people talking and laughing as they hunkered down for breakfast. Sirius looked over to the Slytherin table. It had been a few days since he and his friends had charmed Bellatrix and Narcissa, and it was only now starting to wear off. Three whole days. Three. That was 72 hours, and his cousins had been glowing Gryffindor colors non-stop. Bloody brilliant.

 

It had been Remus’ idea, of course. After what the sisters did to Peter, they had to strike back, and Remus knew just the spell. A little help from James’ invisibility cloak and revenge was theirs.

 

Narcissa and Bellatrix were livid. They had gone to Slughorn, complaining, but there had been no consequences. Sirius had a feeling Regulus put in a good word for him.

 

The owls came rushing in with the mail, swooping around the Hall. Elvendork landed in front of James to give him a package from home. Sirius smiled a little at the contents—a letter, a watch, and some chocolate for Remus. The Potters learned quick.

 

Sirius went back to his food. He almost never got mail, and he certainly didn’t expect any today. It was quite a shock when his grey owl, Grim, as his mother had light-heartedly named it, landed in front of him.

 

It wasn’t as much of a shock when he saw the red envelope in her beak.

 

“Is that...” James began.

 

“Oh no,” Peter whispered.

 

Sirius gingerly took the letter. It was steaming at the edges, like it was about to pop. He tried to swallow his fear, barely keeping down the bile rising in his throat.

 

He unsealed the letter.

 

The howler opened with a loud bang, shattering his eardrums and startling the room. Many people had their fingers in their ears, professors included. Sirius already wanted to cry.

 

“SIRIUS ORION BLACK!”

 

The hall went silent. He was sinking into his seat, down, down into the yawning darkness below him. This couldn’t be happening. Hogwarts was safe. Hogwarts was home. She wasn’t allowed to be here, to be in his home.

 

“I AM APPALLED. HOW DARE YOU CURSE YOUR COUSINS? HOW DARE YOU EMBARRASS THE FAMILY IN FRONT OF EVERYONE? I AM ASHAMED TO HAVE TO CALL YOU MY SON.”

 

She’s not real, she’s not real, she’s not real.

 

“YOU ARE A DISAPPOINTMENT TO THE ENTIRE BLACK FAMILY. FIRST THE SORTING, NOW THIS? WHAT NEXT? GETTING YOURSELF KILLED IN THE WOODS? AT LEAST THE REST OF US WOULD BE HAPPIER THEN!”

 

Just an echo, just an echo, just an echo.

 

There was a pause, like she was there, like she was taking her time to choose her words. Her last words were in a different tone. Quieter. Darker.

 

“YOU KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU RETURN HOME.”

 

With that, the letter burnt up, the ashes scattered on the table.

 

Sirius was paralyzed. He just stared at the ashes.

 

His mother’s voice screamed in his head.  _ You know what to expect. _ Yes, yes he did. He knew exactly what to expect. Dread pooled in his gut.

 

Conversation slowly started again, people almost hesitant to break the silence. Sirius barely noticed. All he could do was stare.

 

“Are you okay?” James asked.

 

Sirius managed a nod.

 

“You sure?” Remus lifted a hand to Sirius’ arm.

 

Sirius flinched at the touch. “I’m fine.” He looked around the room. Too many eyes on him. Too much noise. Too many people. “I’m not that hungry. I’ll see you in the common room.”

 

He made a beeline to the doors, almost running. It only drew more attention, but he just had to get out. The empty halls were better, quiet. It didn’t feel quite so much like he was suffocating.

 

“Sirius?” 

 

He turned around. Regulus stood there, concerned. 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” he rushed. Why did everyone keep asking that? Of course he wasn’t fine. How could he possibly be fine? But what could they possibly do?

 

He looked his brother up and down. His stance, the concern, the shaky voice. Sirius knew what that meant. All concern for himself was gone in an instant. He was just panicked for his brother. “How are you? Are you okay?” He was panicking. “Your hands are shaking.”

 

Sirius reached for them, but Regulus pulled away. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine.” He sighed. “I’m not the one who got the howler.”

 

“I’m fine. Really.” He couldn’t talk about it. Not even with his brother. Not right now. 

 

“You don’t have to pretend. It’s me.”

 

Regulus gave him a look, wordlessly begging him, pleading with him to open up. To let him in.

 

But… Sirius couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

 

He forced a goofy smile, pushing away the terror and guilt and shame. “See? All good.”

 

A moment passed. A moment for him to take it back, to really talk to his brother. A moment to not take, and watch his brother crumple under his gaze. 

 

Regulus took a step back. “I should go back.”

 

All the air in his lungs disappeared. “Oh. Right. Of course.”

 

He watched his brother go, a sinking feeling in his chest. Great. He had messed this up too. A lump was forming in his throat, threatening a full-on breakdown.

 

Not yet. He had to get to the common room first.

 

The journey to Gryffindor Tower passed in a blur. He could barely even remember it, pure instinct leading him to his destination. Soon enough he was in the common room. He collapsed on the couch.

 

A few moments of staring at the ceiling passed before the tears started. He curled up into a ball, letting the quiet sobs overtake him. Minutes passed, just sobbing.

 

He didn’t notice when someone else came in, only when the couch shifted under their weight. He raised his head, part of him expecting it to be Remus. Green eyes stared back.

 

Sirius choked on a sob. “What are you—what are you doing here?”

 

Lily smiled. A small, kind gesture. “I thought you might want a friend.”

 

~~~~~

 

“A friend? A friend?!” James screeched. “You’re telling me that my best mate got the best girl in the world to be his friend? When she hated me?”

 

“To be fair, Sirius is far more endearing,” Remus reasoned.

 

“Aww, thanks.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Means you’re kind of an arse,” Peter interjected.

 

James groaned and flopped onto his bed. “I’m never gonna get a date with Evans.”

 

Sirius walked over to his friend. “Well, we’re only in third year. You still have plenty of time.”

 

“Don’t give him false hope,” Remus said.

 

James groaned even louder.

 

“I hate to veer from the fascinating topic of James’ pathetic love life,” Peter said, met by another of James’ groans, “but are we going to talk about what happened at breakfast?”

 

Sirius froze. 

 

James sat up. “Yeah. That was pretty harsh.” A pause. “We can cut back on the pranks if you want.”

 

“No.” He didn’t want to ruin their fun just because his mother was awful. Besides, pissing off his mother was starting to be kind of fun. At least, that’s what he told himself.

 

The room thickened with tension at his response and Sirius felt like he might collapse under the weight of it. 

 

“Oh good,” James said, clearly relieved. The tension immediately dissipated.

 

Remus snickered. “Nice one, mate.”

 

“Hey! I would have cut back! I just really didn’t want to.”

 

“You’re all good,” Sirius assured him. “Actually, I was just thinking...”

 

“What?” Peter asked.

 

“Well, we want everyone to know our names, right?”

 

“Of course,” James agreed.

 

“Then shouldn’t we have a name?”

 

They all looked at each other, giddy smiles slowly spreading. 

 

“That’s brilliant!” Peter said.

 

“Yes! Of course we need a name. Something awe-inspiring,” James insisted.

 

“Something no one will ever forget,” Sirius agreed.

 

“The lions!”

 

“James, no.” That was just stupid.

 

“It’s Gryffindor-ish!”

 

“Yeah, but it’s dumb,” Remus concluded.

 

“I think it should be based around what we do,” Peter piped up.

 

That was a good idea, actually. “Yeah! Like... The pranksters!” He paused. “No, that doesn’t work.”

 

“The jokesters?” James suggested.

 

“Meh.” Not great.

 

“Well, what do we do?” Remus asked.

 

Sirius snorted. “Sneak around at night and mess with people.”

 

“The ninjas!” James exclaimed.

 

Peter guffawed. “Absolutely not.”

 

There was a moment of silence, everyone lost in thought. Nothing seemed to fit. How could they possibly sum up the glory that was the four of them in a word?

 

Then, out of nowhere, Remus spoke. 

 

“The raccoons!”

 

They all stared at him. Just. Stared.

 

The raccoons? How would that ever inspire awe in people? Why were they now animals? What in the world was Remus thinking?

 

“What?” Remus looked around. “They sneak around at night and mess with people!”

 

Sirius just blinked, dumbstruck.

 

“No.” James voiced their collective thought. “Just… no.”

 

Peter stood a little taller, a light in his eyes. He spoke with a hushed tone, an air of brilliance. “The Marauders.”

 

The four of them looked at each other. They knew. Without even saying anything, they knew. They knew the legacy the name would build. The hatred the name would spark, in some. The admiration it would imbue in others.

 

They were the Marauders, and Hogwarts would never forget it. 

 

~~~~~

 

_ His mother screamed at him. Failure. Disappointment. Worthless. She was always screaming. Always screaming and screaming and screaming because he was never enough. He would never be enough. He could never even hope to be enough. _

 

_ Dishes clattered off the table. The chandelier trembled where it hung. The world shook, even the ground, in fear of his mother walking towards him. _

 

_ Her hand struck his cheek. He didn’t feel it. All he saw was his blood, splattering the room. _

 

_ His blood painted the walls, oozing across the surfaces until they were covered entirely. The floor was a pool of blood, up to his ankles. It was slowly rising, rising, until it was at his knees. Soon it would engulf him entirely. _

 

_ Something dripped on his head. Sirius looked up. The ceiling was bloodied too. A dark red, just like the rest of the room. He was going to drown in it, drown in his own blood as it rose from the floor and rained from the ceiling. _

 

_ “Look what you’ve done!” his mother hissed. She raised her wand, an all-too-familiar look in her eyes. _

 

_ Sirius backed up, frantic. His back hit the wall, clothes instantly soaked. “No, Mother, please, it wasn’t me, please…” _

 

_ “Crucio!” _

 

Sirius awoke with a start. Sobs were already trapped in his lungs and he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe…

 

He finally managed a breath, a choked sob forcing its way out. Hot tears trailed down his cheeks. His chest constricted violently, pain coursing through his abdomen. What was wrong with him, why couldn’t he breathe…

 

Then he was sobbing uncontrollably and all he was doing was breathing, desperately, forcing air down his throat as soon as it was expelled. 

 

His body convulsed, each sob louder than the last. A failure. He was a failure. To everyone, not just his mother. He had failed his parents. He had failed his brother. He would fail his friends, too. He probably already had, somehow. 

 

Only once he heard footsteps did he consider the fact that he should have used a silencing charm. No one else needed to hear his pathetic crying.

 

He sat up and tried to calm himself. Failure to his friends, check. They now knew how pathetic he was, and he had woken one, if not all of them up in the process.

 

A hand pulled back the curtains to his bed. It was hard to make out in the dark, and Sirius’ eyes were still blurry from tears, but it looked an awful lot like Remus. 

 

“Scoot.” He sounded an awful lot like Remus, too.

 

“What?” Sirius’ voice was hoarse. Broken.

 

“Scoot over.”

 

“Umm, okay.” He shifted to the other side of the bed. “What are you…”

 

Remus climbed into the bed next to him. Sirius didn’t know what to think. Part of him felt like he should be uncomfortable. The rest of him was just confused.

 

The bed was big enough to fit the two of them, but there wasn’t much space. Remus’ breath brushed his cheek.

 

“Nightmares?” Remus asked. His voice was barely a whisper, but Sirius could hear him, clear as ever.

 

“Yeah.” He had never admitted that he had nightmares to anyone. Not out loud, anyway. It had always been an unspoken knowledge between him and Regulus, but Regulus had the nightmares too.

 

“About your mother?”

 

His throat closed up. He couldn’t. He couldn’t explain, couldn’t talk. Tears welled in his eyes.

 

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Remus assured. “It’s okay.”

 

Sirius tried to compose himself. “I-I’m fine, really.”

 

“Don’t.”

 

His heart stopped at the tone. Harsh.Too harsh. Was Remus mad at him? What had he done? “What?”

 

“Don’t give me that. You’re not fine. And that’s okay. It’s just me.” Remus looked into his eyes, making sure Sirius truly understood what he was saying. “You don’t have to be fine.”

 

Sirius started crying again. Cathartic, freeing sobs. Tears from years past that he had kept in finally rising to the surface. Tears from the events of the day. Tears for the horrors still to come.

 

Remus let him cry, whispering words of comfort and pulling Sirius’ head to his shoulder. 

 

For the first time in years, Sirius let himself cry freely. He didn’t try to stop himself too early, or try to hold anything back. He just cried, without thought or hindrance.

 

His breath finally slowed to a more normal pace, and he shifted to look at Remus. “I’m sorry.”

 

“You have nothing to apologize for. It’s okay.” Remus looked him over for a moment, eyes darting over his face. “Here. Turn around.”

 

Sirius did as he was told. In normal circumstances he might have questioned it, but he was tired, and Remus seemed to know what he was doing, even if Sirius didn’t.

 

Then there was an arm around his waist. He was pulled into Remus’ warmth.

 

His brain malfunctioned. He just stopped having thoughts. His heart was beating faster and he didn’t know why. He didn’t know what was going on. 

 

“Is this okay?” It was the first time Remus sounded unsure of himself all night.

 

“Umm. Yeah.” Sirius didn’t know what it was. He didn’t have the words to describe it. It was like a hug, yet not. The feeling was foreign. Unknown territory. And despite all that, he found that he didn’t mind. 

 

Even though it was a new sensation, it didn’t feel strange. He felt almost safe.

 

He didn’t complain when Remus hugged him a little tighter. Or when he started snoring in his ear. Remus’ breathing helped calm his nerves and slowly lull him to sleep.

 

When the morning came, Sirius woke up in Remus’ arms. He decided it wasn’t one of the worst things in the world. In fact, though he refused to admit it to himself, it might have even been one of the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are love


	11. Brevity

It was a beautiful day. The air was crisp and cool, a light breeze drifting through the grounds, carrying an air of calm and contentment. Regulus only wished he could be outside enjoying it. 

But alas, he had no such luck. Today was his “appearances day,” as he called it, and that ruled out any possibility of enjoying himself. 

It peeved him that appearances day was even necessary, but lately his cousins had been particularly suspicious of him. They tracked his every move, confronted him every time he interacted with Sirius at all, and questioned his loyalty to the Black family. It was all so tiresome, but if they brought up their concerns with his mother, he was done for.

Thus, he had formulated a plan. At least once a week, he would find a way to help out a fellow Slytherin, or at least pretend to like them in order to keep up appearances and get his cousins off his back. So far, it had worked wonderfully. In the past few weeks his cousins had stopped keeping an eye on him entirely and, as long as he kept up appearances every now and then, he was free to do as he wished.

Unfortunately there was one flaw in this genius plan of his: he hated most of his housemates. The only people he didn’t actively dislike were people he hadn’t interacted with enough to form a solid opinion on, and he doubted any of them were much better than the rest.

So, while the sun shone on the grounds outside, Regulus was stuck inside the hospital wing to keep up appearances with Snape, of all people.

He pulled up a chair and sat down next to Snape’s bed, desperately hoping he wouldn’t be stuck here too long. Snape was quite possibly one of his least favorite people.

“Black?” Snape turned his head towards him, a pleasant sneer on his face. It seemed like he was always sneering, always upset at something for no apparent reason. 

“Congratulations, you remember my surname. Not a head injury, then?” Regulus scolded himself for being so cold. He was here to pretend to like this person, not mock him, as enjoyable as it was.

“Of course not. If I was hurt that badly, I doubt they would have put me out in the open next to all these mudbloods.”

Regulus had to fight the urge to roll his eyes.

“What are you doing here, anyway?” Snape asked. 

“What, I can’t visit a friend?”

Snape scowled. “We’re not friends.”

“It was a joke, though I’m glad you’ve shared your feelings on the subject.” This was not going nearly as well as he’d planned.

“What are you actually here for?”

Regulus placed his hands on his knees, palms up. A peace offering. “I heard you were hurt. I just thought I’d come check on you.”

“That’s… considerate of you.” Snape looked like the concept was foreign to him. Given the level of kindness he displayed on a daily basis, it probably was.

“So… what happened?” Regulus didn’t actually care, but some small talk couldn’t hurt.

“Well, Lily and I were talking, and I mentioned mudbloods. I assured her she was different from the rest, but she still got offended for some reason and stormed off. You know how sensitive girls are.”

Regulus had to bite his tongue. He was wrong. Small talk could definitely hurt.

“I tried to run after her but I tripped on the stairs and injured my ankle.” He sighed. “In the end it’s her fault, really. She apologized, though.”

Regulus sat there for a moment, blinking in disbelief. “Uh-huh.” What a manipulative, disgusting person.

They stared at each other for a few moments too long, the silence becoming awkward. Snape opened his mouth to say something, but Regulus cut him off, too afraid that he might get wrapped up in another uncomfortable conversation.

“Well, I hate to go, but I actually have to see someone else here, too,” he rushed.

“Oh. Okay. See you around then.” Snape looked almost... disappointed, was it? Regulus didn’t care. He needed to get away from this person.

Regulus stood and walked further into the hospital wing, releasing a sigh of relief. He had no one else to visit of course, but he couldn’t stand another moment with Snape. 

He walked down the aisle slowly, past Snape’s line of sight, so it would seem like he was actually there to visit someone. His intention was to walk down slowly and then inch back, but someone caught his eye.

All the way in the back corner of the hospital wing lay Remus Lupin, Sirius’ friend. Regulus walked over to his bedside to get a better look. The boy looked like he had been mauled by some wild animal. Most of his body was covered in blankets, but his face was bloodied up and there was a bandage on the side of his neck.

Lupin stirred, opening his eyes slightly. “Sirius? Wha’ you doin’ ‘ere?” His words were jumbled, but understandable.

Regulus knew he and his brother had similar features, but he had never been mistaken for Sirius before. Lupin must be seriously unwell. 

He shifted his weight, unsure what to do. “Umm, no. It’s me. Regulus.”

“Reg…?” He trailed off. Then his words became clearer, an urgency to his voice. “Is Sirius alright?”

“Yes! Yes, he’s fine. I was just passing through.” He bit his lip. “You should go back to sleep, you don’t look too good.”

“Yeah…” A few more seconds and Lupin was snoring.

Regulus made his way out of the hospital wing, pondering the encounter. How strange. What had happened to Lupin? He would have to ask Sirius soon.

~~~~~

Regulus sat down on the couch across from Sirius. The Room of Requirement was smaller than usual today. He didn’t know what that meant. Perhaps that their visit needed to be brief, even if neither of them yet knew about it? Or did it have something to do with what Regulus had to tell his brother?

Sirius leaned back into the cushions, hands behind his head and legs crossed. “So how’s your week been?”

“It’s been alright. I think I finally convinced Bella and Narcissa I’m not out to ruin the Black family name.”

Sirius visibly tensed, arms dropping to his sides. “That’s good.”

Regulus realized what he had said and regretted it immediately. The implications of that... “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say you—“

“It’s fine.”

It seemed very much like it was not fine, but Regulus let it go. Sirius had forgiven him, and to press the issue would only make matters worse. Their mother had given Sirius shit about ruining the family name too many times to count and Sirius survived—one accidental comment about it from Regulus wouldn’t be an issue. Right?

Regulus refocused on the task at hand. Everything seemed like a chore nowadays, whether he enjoyed it or not. Just one more thing to tick off the list, only for the list to refill and force him down the same path over and over again, further into boredom and melancholy, hoping for something, anything, to brighten up his day.

“Well, umm.” He scrambled to find the right words. “Is Lupin doing alright?”

Sirius’ brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“I saw him in the hospital wing. He looked pretty roughed up.”

“H-hospital wing? Reg, Remus is at home because his mum is sick. It must have been someone else.”

Regulus shook his head. “No. I’m sure it was him. He thought I was you.”

Sirius looked at him, dumbfounded. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“We can go check if he’s still there if you want.”

“No, I believe you.” Sirius seemed distracted. “Umm, I think I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.” He was out the door within seconds.

With that, Regulus was left very alone and very confused. This was the one thing he looked forward to all week, and it was cut off so abruptly. 

Perhaps the Room had indeed predicted the brevity of their conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapter was brief *overemphasized wink* (Okay, now I’m sorry on two accounts)  
> Comments make my day :)


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